Imposter Syndrome: Success through Failure
What is imposter syndrome, and is it common?
Imposter syndrome is the term for someone worried that they are not as qualified as others think they are. Importantly, this worry persists despite evidence that confirms they are competent, capable, and deserve to have the roles that they do.
This worry can be intense and cause individuals to isolate with the goal to reduce the risks of them being outed as a fraud. It’s a series of examinations. Each time we pass, we feel that we’ve gotten lucky, and it’s just a matter of time until everyone around us sees what we see, which are our inadequacies. If the boss had only asked this question or looked at this part of our report that wasn’t how it should have been, they would have seen us as being incapable. For many, even when they do succeed, they redefine what success should have been to hold onto the idea that they didn’t do what a real professional would have done. The cycle often continues like this for years.
About 75% of individuals will experience imposter syndrome at some point in their lives. Fortunately, this means that there are so many individuals who have learned ways to manage and overcome this burden that we can learn from. This article will go on to look at an example of an individual with imposter syndrome, the habits that can keep us stuck in this difficult cycle, and some things to try instead.
How imposter syndrome often looks.
To use an example, let’s say someone recently moved and was starting at a new school as a teacher. We’ll call him Ted. This new school is considered the most prestigious in the area. Ted had a positive reputation and received glowing recommendations from their previous school where he was loved. Over the years, he’s had countless fellow faculty members sit in on his classes to make sure things were on track. Every single time, he has been told how excellent he is doing. The kids he’s taught have been vocal about how much they’ve learned and enjoyed his classes too. Ted tended to attribute their words to them being kind and counted himself lucky that he’s had such wonderful students to make him look good.
…This history of success means little to Ted as he’s discounted his achievements every step of the way. This was something that his father often did him too. He played soccer as a kid. The first game he scored, Ted was elated. His team won, and he played a major part in their victory. As he packed up his things and greet his father on the sidelines, he was met with a cold remark about how he should’ve scored twice earlier. His dad went on to say that one goal was nothing to celebrate…
With his first day of teaching at the new school looming, his anxiety is at an all-time high. They offered a bonus to help him move to the area. This helped him buy a house nearby with his partner. Ted starts to worry that if he’s finally seen and eventually ousted as a fraud that they won’t be able to keep their home. He knew in his heart that they shouldn’t have hired him. This stress dramatically hurts his ability to focus, prepare, and be his best self for those first few days. He still does well. The errors he makes echo in his head. If only the principal had noticed them, he would’ve been let go. He’s so lucky to still have his job. Although it’s been months since he’s started, the anxiety still spikes whenever there is a looming quarterly review. Sadly, they always seem just within view to keep him thinking about them.
Most people I’ve worked with have had easier times managing their imposter syndrome than Ted has. That said, it is a challenge for everyone who experiences it. I’ve seen two main paths that people have taken to manage the anxiety brought about by imposter syndrome. Building themselves up or avoidance. Sometimes it’s both.
Those who push themselves to study and work harder because they worry that they don’t belong often reach higher and achieve great things. Lucky ones will start to believe in themselves because there is so much proof of their competence around them that it is difficult to overlook. For most, the higher they climb, the more out of place they feel. Fortunately, by understanding imposter syndrome, we can make shifts in our thoughts and actions to break its cycle.
What keeps imposter syndrome going and what can you change to overcome it?
There are several key habits that keep the false belief that we are not enough alive and well. I’ll identify what those things are and something you could begin to try to replace those habits.
Minimizing Your Successes and Moving the Goalposts. Although it is wonderful to not be boastful and claim to be the best thing that has graced your field of interest, it is not ideal to dismiss positive feedback either. Many with imposter syndrome will dodge compliments and praise. They will commonly say that the other person offering praise was “just being nice.” When it’s difficult to do so, they’ll often highlight what else they could have done to be more deserving of success. The tricky thing with some statements is that they are true along with being gently malicious. “I could’ve scored higher.” “I should have gotten this done earlier.” “That one piece isn’t as it should be.” They deftly avoid sitting with success.
What to Try Instead: Something I’ve been told many times is treat compliments and praise as gifts. Practice accepting them and considering that the other person believes you deserve them even if you disagree. You would never toss a gift someone just gave you right in the trash. Try to treat their praise the same way. As noted above, you don’t have to agree with their compliment. It is important to accept that they likely believe it. Next, practice writing down your goals and what you would view as success. Don’t change that definition of success as it gets closer. If and when you achieve them, notice your desire to move your goals and rob yourself of being able to sit with success. I always encourage my clients to be honest. So, labeling to yourself that you achieved your goal and that you think you should’ve done more is a fair and accurate statement.
Immortalizing Criticism and Failure. Many hold onto the criticisms they’ve received with all their might. Perhaps it gives them a sense of direction or even made them feel seen in a time past. It can feel surprisingly invalidating to know in your heart that you did poorly and have everyone around you celebrate how well you did. Be careful with this. You feeling like a failure doesn’t mean you are one. And just because you could’ve done better doesn’t meet you’ve done poorly. Negative feedback is a crucial part of how we grow and improve. I am a firm believer that true failure is when we still wish to do something that’s beneficial to us and/or the world but stop out of fear of judgment. If you have the courage to try, you are not failing.
What to Try Instead: Put the criticism in context. I encourage you to limit your judgment of the criticism you receive just like I encouraged you to do with praise. By taking a step back, you can reflect on the fact that the criticism you received seem accurate and the praise seemed fake. That doesn’t make them true. Be careful when labeling them as true or false. Instead, taking a more objective approach and say that three people thought you did well. One person thought you needed to improve. This balanced approach can help prevent us from rewriting what feedback we’ve received.
Isolation and Hiding Your Weaknesses. Most who feel they are a fraud within their field are likely to hide themselves as to avoid being uncovered as an imposter. This robs them of opportunities to talk to their peers, see how they have a wide mixture of success and mistakes regularly, and to establish a support system. Many will go on to hide their mistakes whenever possible. Succeeding and having no one see your mistakes is unlikely to help you overcome imposter syndrome. If you’ve made it far into your field, you’ve likely tried this path plenty. It is likely time for a different approach.
What to Try Instead: If you seem to have found a safe group of people, showing them how you’ve made mistakes and seeing that they don’t call you a fraud right away can be so healing. Odds are that they don’t see you as someone who doesn’t belong. Ideally, they’ll share with you some similar mistakes highlighting their own humanity. It’s true that you are opening yourself up to judgment. You would be choosing to be vulnerable. This is scary and has the potential to be more powerful than anything else on this list. Seeing yourself “fail” and not be judged is some of the best exposure there is. The likely worst-case scenario is that they agree that you messed up. I’d bet that what they’d share is gentle compared to what you’ve been saying to yourself when you believe you’ve failed.
Cruel Language. Many will speak to themselves in such awful ways. They’ll call themselves vile names and relentlessly remind themselves of their inadequacies, especially whenever they’ll fallen short of their expectations or remind themselves what a “real” professional would have done.
What to Try Instead: I encourage you to practice speaking to yourself more fairly and honestly. I ask that you remember that two things can be true. You can have succeeded, and you can feel that you’ve failed. Give space to both your logical and emotional sides. Then, practice speaking to yourself with some compassion. If you’re struggling to come up with what to say, imagine how you’d share it with someone who you loved and were willing to give real feedback to. I’ve written an article that might help point you in a helpful direction for this: Overcoming Negative Self-Talk: the How — Minds That Matter. The work of Dr. Kristin Neff is spectular for this as well. She has lots of free exercises to help you build these skills on her website: Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff: Join the Community Now.
Remember that all of this type of work takes time. Aim for better. You’ll get there.
Written by Dr. Luke Bieber on September 26, 2025.