Finding Your Core Needs

This section has been something that has been foundational for myself and the majority of my clients. Therefore, I’d love to share it with anyone who might find it useful.

We all have core needs. Knowing what the research points to for all people as well as which ones may be unique to you is quite helpful when aiming for a balanced life. I often describe happiness as something that you can set the stage for but it cannot be forced to be present. Therapist’s are notorious for our metaphors. So, the one I’ll go with is a garden. We want to give the things that we love a chance to grow and minimize the number of weeds that thrive. Core needs are of the ways we do just that. Let’s start with the core needs that various researchers seem to point to over and over again. Fortunately, the work of dozens of individuals like Ryan & Deci (2017, book “Self-Determination Theory”) or Viktor Frankl have paved the way for individuals like me to help organize what the research says people need to be doing well in life. There are others like Dr. Andrew Huberman who have shared this information far and wide on their platforms that I am hopeful has done a lot of good.

The core needs based on the research seem to be:

• Sleep

• Sunlight

• Exercise

• Stress Regulation

• Relationships (including your relationship with yourself)

• Nutrition

• Oral Health and Gut Microbiome

• Spiritual Grounding

• Purpose/Mission

I’ll briefly breakdown each pillar of wellbeing listed above and begin inviting you to add your personal spin onto it.

Sleep

Each of us needs 7-9 hours of sleep. For those who menstruate, you need an additional hour during your luteal phase. Women also require sleep to regulate their hormones, whereas men have some extra parts that help them do that while they are awake. I’m well aware that many wear their lack of sleep as a badge of honor. Please don’t. Just because you can survive with less doesn’t mean that weeds aren’t going to spring up or that you’ll be growing in the ways you want.

Sunlight

Here, we’re looking for 30 minutes a day of sunlight. The research is crystal clear that this is best done soon after rising. If you work an atypical schedule or live in a part of the world without much soon, there are sunlamps out there to help with this. To count as “getting sunlight,” you should be facing the sun without any windows acting as a barrier. If that’s going for a morning walk, having your coffee outside, or simply sitting on the steps of your apartment, all are great options.

Exercise

Here is where I’d ask you to reflect on what you’ve seen work well for you. For me and many others, exercise blends into almost every pillar listed. Exercise gives an opportunity to organize your thoughts, provide a sense of growth (which I’ll touch on more shortly), and structure your day all while doing wonders for your brain and body. Generally, some form of exercise every day seems to set people up for the most success. Doing something that you can safely do that is difficult provides an even greater benefit. If you’re someone who has been handed lots of stress in life, muscle mass has been shown to be essential in regulating our emotions. There isn’t a downside outside of actually having to exercise. So, I strongly recommend finding something you enjoy. For me, that’s walking and hiking.

Stress Regulation

This is one that gets people through the doors of therapy much of the time. If this is one that you could use more support on, I’ve written a guide on some ways to get started: Creating a Gameplan for Hard Times: Coping — Minds That Matter. There are lots of other amazing resources out there. If you’re having a difficult time tackling this, I recommend talking to your medical provider or reaching out to a psychologist.

A big thing for stress regulation is being aware of when you are actually stressed. I’ve worked with dozens of people who only describe feeling stressed when they are overwhelmed. They’d become numb to the sizeable amounts of stress that was living on and in their shoulders each day. The way I like to increase this awareness is to do a scan of your body the next time you truly feel relaxed. If that’s after a shower, time with loved ones, or lying on the beach, do a mental scan of your body from head to toe. Notice how your shoulders feel or whether your jaw is clenched. Use this as your baseline. Then, when you say that you aren’t stressed, see what areas of your body are carrying tension. You may be more stressed than you realize.

The last point I’ll make here is the benefit of regular maintenance to manage stress. I’m not fond of only using stress strategies as needed. Proactive ones like going for walks, writing, or check-ins with those we feel heard when we share with them can do so much.

Relationships (including your relationship with yourself)

Humans are social creatures. We all need at least one friend, some acquaintances, and a sense of community. I just wrote a guide last week that may be helpful for those struggling to connect with others: Finding Friendships and Community — Minds That Matter. For how much time you have to spend with others to be at your best, this will depend a lot on each individual. Something notable is that even for those who dislike being around others, it is still essential. There have been several studies confirming this. As a minimum requirement, I’ve never read about nor seen anyone who maintain positive mental health without spending some meaningful time with friends and/or loved ones at least once a week.

Your relationship with yourself is one of the most important things you have. I wrote one small article on this, but there will be more in the future. Here it is: Overcoming Negative Self-Talk: the How — Minds That Matter. The work of Dr. Kristin Neff on Self-Compassion is a tremendous place to start if you think this is an area you would benefit from working on. Her website includes lots of free exercises and information: Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff: Join the Community Now. For clients struggling with this, I will often have them speak to me as if I was them. No restraints. The language used is almost always brutal. This is how they speak to themselves each day. There are lots of ways to begin working at making that voice more fair and kind. My favorite example that I use so regularly was one she shared when she spoke at my school a good handful of years ago at this point. Practice thinking about how you’d respond to a friend who was in your situation.

Nutrition

Without good nutrition, it is almost impossible to be in a state of wellbeing. Even something like low levels of vitamin D or magnesium can wreak havoc on your entire body. If you get bloodwork regularly or can afford to have a check-up with your primary care doctor, see what you are deficient in. Follow their advice to treat it. It will be worth so much. Supplementing for things you are not deficient in is a messy topic that I can touch on in the future. For now, one supplement I do recommend clients look into is creatine. There is more work being done highlighting its benefits for mental health, whereas it had often only been talking about in the lifting community previously. 10g a day has been shown to be especially helpful in protecting nerves in our brains.

Oral Health and Gut Microbiome

Of all of the core needs, this is the one that’s the most overlooked. Much of who we are and how we are doing is housed inside our bellies and mouths. A leading risk factor for dementia is poor oral hygiene. Many of those taking antibiotics are vulnerable to notable shifts in their mental health. Many of you will be familiar with serotonin. It is the neurotransmitter frequently discussed when talking about depression. 90-95% of the serotonin we have is made in our guts. For kids with behavioral challenges, one of the most successful interventions in therapy involves improving their diet. I promise it’s a major factor. A short list of things I recommend is to keep up with your dentist, stop using mouthwash with alcohol (do your own research), increase your prebiotics (fiber) and probiotics.

Spiritual Grounding

For this, it has been shown that having a connection to something greater than yourself is extremely beneficial. It does not have to be religion, but many do fulfill this need through that. The goal is to create a deeper connection and awareness of yourself and your environment. Spending time in nature and opportunities for peace and stillness can be invaluable in this process. Mindfulness and meditation are frequent paths that individuals take to build this connection. Doing this has an added benefit of cultivating a sense of awe and gratitude.

Purpose/Mission

Our last one is purpose and mission. This is another of the core needs that is quite unique to each individual. I encourage each of my clients to reflect on what their purpose in life is and to give them something that they can use to decide if they are living a good life. I also think that an individual’s purpose is best when it’s simple. That may be serving others, taking care of animals, rebuilding our environment, raising awareness of atrocities happening each day around us, or protecting and caring for those you love. A piece that I do encourage each of us to aim for is to try to enjoy life.

People are tremendously resilient. You will not have to honor each of the core needs every day. However, I encourage you to reflect on how often each need has to be met and finding your favorite ways to meet them. The last area I’ll mention that does not come up as much in the research is sense of growth. This is especially helpful for my high achievers, but having a sense that something is moving in a positive direction adds a great bit of resilience to us. That can be getting stronger in the gym, building a garden, seeing yourself reach new personal bests rock climbing, or anything that matters to you. If you face challenges with your health or have hard times come your way, having something that is moving in a good direction can create lots of momentum that can keep us afloat in difficult times and help us feel even better in the good times.

Written by Dr. Luke Bieber on August 1, 2025